EOB #15: Ad Jingles

There are two types of ads in the world:

The first is the Mad Men style. Copy and design are edited and refined for weeks. Messaging is workshopped and audience-tested. The agency or brand doesn’t stop until they have something timeless and iconic. Apple’s Think Different. Tootise Pops’ How Many Licks? DeBeers A Diamond Is Forever.¹

The second style is what I would lovingly call the “Whaazzzuuuuupppp!” style of advertising.² These ads straddle the line between bad and weird. The lack of coherent strategy gives you the sense that the marketing team was locked in a conference room for days on end, going slowly insane, embracing the “there’s no bad ideas in a brainstorm!” mantra a little too tightly.

A lot of time and attention is spent on the first style of campaigns. Mad Men ran for 7 seasons, Ogilvy on Advertising has been in print for over fifty years, and wannabe LinkedInfluencers are obsessed with citing iPod’s “1,000 songs in your pocket” messaging.

Today is not about those campaigns.

Today is about the best-of-the-worst ads — specifically, jingle-based ads and why they work.

I’ve selected the 3 current jingles most likely to drive you crazy, and I’ll be rating their effectiveness as advertising on a scale of 0 to 5 earworms. 🪱 Note that this rating is not indicative of the quality or ethics of the businesses themselves. Only how successful their ads are at drilling into your brain to embed their brand.

Let’s get into it…

🎶 I have a structured settlement, but I need cash now! 🎶 

When I asked EOB Instagram followers which ads they hate but can’t escape, I got the same two answers over and over. The first?

Our old pal J.G. Wentworth.

Love it or hate it, this ad is a cultural touchstone.³ I did some digging to get more of the backstory on the jingle and was surprised to learn that my memories of seeing the commercial between episodes of Full House were almost certainly an example of the Mandela Effect; the opera ads actually started just 20 years ago. (Still… twenty!!)

Even more surprising, the company has over a dozen variations of the campaign, including a luau-themed version with hula dancers and an Oktoberfest version with an Oompah band. The 877-CASH-NOW earworm is so iconic it was brought back for the 2022 Super Bowl and was a key sub-plot in this year’s final season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

J.G. Wentworth is the type of business you don’t even know exists until you need it. And when you do need it, you likely wouldn’t know who to contact. The jingle solves this problem with a perfect, if inelegant, solution: repeat the information over and over in a way so memorable, it becomes a permanent part of your psyche.

As one YouTube commenter notes, “by the end of the commercial you know: the company name, what they do, and their phone number.” And you’ll never forget it. In the words of another commenter, “I can sing this damn song from memory but can't find my car keys.”

I give it a perfect score on the earworm scale: 🪱🪱🪱🪱🪱 (5 - the gold standard of catchy, campy, and most importantly, effective jingles.)

🎶 K-A-R-S, Kars 4 Kids 🎶

The second most-memorable (and most-loathed) campaign according to EOB Instagram followers is the Kars4Kids children’s rock band (plus violin). Another jingle with enough grating repetition and advertising longevity to stick permanently in your brain.

What this tune lacks in detail (who are the kids? what are the kars for? do the kids drive them??) it makes up for in simplicity and reach. It is the advertising version of The Song That Never Ends from Lambchop. The phone number is repeated on a loop, four times in thirty seconds.

On top of the easy-to-remember lyrics, the charity seems to purchase any and all remnant ad space on radio, streaming, or tv, giving them maximum exposure at all hours of the day and night. Through this buying strategy, the jingle has become so abrasively omnipresent that it was used as the theme song for The Bad Place on the NBC sitcom The Good Place.

Even the commercial’s stars aren’t immune to the tune’s death grip.

A page straight out of ole Mr. Wentworth’s playbook: 🪱 🪱 🪱 🪱 (4 worms for intense staying power, with 1 worm deducted for failing to explain why the kids need kars)

🎶 Nothing is everything to me 🎶 

We’ve reviewed two classics but now we’re pivoting to a more modern ballad: the Skyrizi song.

Skyrizi, a prescription medication that seems to work for a myriad of ailments, has been using their theme song for about 5 years, and in that time it’s left its mark. Parent company Abvie has made several versions in various genres, from hip hop⁴ to country. They even have alternate lyrics for each use case (“Control of my Crohn’s means everything to me” vs “Clear skin means everything to me” for example).

What’s particularly fascinating about this medical jingle is that it was created specifically for the drug and at least one version is sung by Miranda Cosgrove of iCarly fame. Typically, drug manufacturers rely on changing the lyrics to a well-known song to make the brand easier to remember.⁵ But for Skyrizi, Abvie is able to achieve the same level of stickiness through their custom jaunty tune and awkwardly syncopated lyrics.

While Skyrizi gets plenty of mentions on r/CommercialsIHate, there’s also a faithful fanbase who debate the quality of the various Nothing(/Control) Is Everything To Me versions.⁶ Lounge singer Richard Cheese even recorded his own cover. The melody is so upbeat and hopeful that many have become, in their words, “addicted” to it.

A jingle more addictive than the drug? 🪱 🪱 🪱 ¹ /₂ (3.5 worms for variety and range as well as achieving every-single-commercial-break frequency. Minus 1 worm for the lack of clarity on what the drug actually does, and minus 0.5 worms for the general fact that in medicine the jingle has limited power. You can’t just sing the Skyrizi song to your doctor and get a prescription.)

@ballet_felice

#skyrizi #bigpharma #america #fyp

So, after reviewing these sponsored brain loops, what have we learned?

In short, the product doesn’t have to be high quality or personally relevant and the budget doesn’t need to be huge. You just need 30 seconds of a hyper-palatable tune with repetitive lyrics, and you’ll achieve advertising success. Go ahead and dust off that Casio keyboard in your parents’ basement; your gold lion awaits at Cannes.

Need an ear palate cleanser? Have a little espresso.

¹ Some might even call DeBeers the best product launch of the 20th century, and those people would be correct.

² Also known as the Quiznos SpongMonkey style in some circles.

³ Explaining both the premise of J.G. Wentworth’s business and the jingle to Canadian friends and co-workers has been an experience. My own lived version of those Reddit threads like “What’s something you thought was ‘normal,’ but really it wasn’t?” Like finding out no one outside Philly knows what the Mummers are.

⁴ While there are numurous references to the “urban” or “hip hop” version of the Skyrizi song, I can’t find a hosted version anywhere. I’m assuming the company took it down because the concept sounds incredibly cringe and potentially problematic? If I’m wrong, please send it to me??

⁵ Looking at you, Oh-oh-oh-Ozempic.

⁶ Insert your own “(10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version)” joke here.