EoB #10: The Microsoft Zune

A few weeks ago, I headed to Washington, D.C. to see a traveling exhibit titled The Museum of Failure. The Museum is a bit haphazardly constructed, but what it lacked in polish, it made up for in content. The display cases were full of products that, with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, had clearly been doomed:

• The ESPN-Branded Flip Phone: For a brief period in 2006, a mere $65-225/month could get you access to game scores and highlight clips on a very crappy flip phone over a very slow cell connection. Steve Jobs told the company directly, “Your phone is the dumbest fucking idea I have ever heard.” The phone didn’t even last a year. ESPN did pivot quickly, though, realizing they’d be better off giving scores and stats away for free, making their money off of ads on the webpages instead.

• Ayds Diet Candy: An early predecessor to today’s Flat Tummy Teas, Ayds was a boxed candy that included appetite suppressants. After decades on the market and several celebrity endorsements, the company hit a wall in the mid-1980s with the rise of the AIDS epidemic. Their ads with headlines like “I lost weight with Ayds and so can you!” were no longer the tempting sales pitch they used to be. The company doubled down, however, with the Executive Vice President stating in an interview, “The product has been around for 45 years. Let the disease change its name.” (Narrator: The disease did not change its name.)

• The Juicero Press: A peak “internet of things” invention, the Juicero was a wifi-enabled personal juicer. Users inserted a pouch of juice, the $700 Juicero connected to the internet and did some beep-boops, then squeezed the juice out of the pouch, into your cup. If you’re thinking “But couldn’t I just save $700 and squeeze the pouch into my cup myself?” Yea. You could.

While there were many items at the Museum of Failure that clearly never should have gone to production, a large number of the failures featured were solid core concepts with poor execution. One such product was the 2000s mp3 player, the Microsoft Zune.

The Zune launched in 2006, approximately five years after the first iPod. Despite being late to market, Microsoft had developed a device that - at least on paper - was in some ways superior to the iPod. It had a larger screen, an FM radio, 100 hours of battery life, 30GB of storage, and the ability to wirelessly share songs with other Zune users.

The Zune also had a beautiful user interface that still stands up to today’s design standards, an easy-to-use directional pad for menu navigation, and a soft-touch body that didn’t show fingerprints and smudges like the iPod did. On top of all of these features, Zunes were priced competitively, offering a slight discount over similar-capacity iPods. The Zune had the makings of a dark horse that could potentially claim significant market share. 

If the Zune was so great, you may be wondering, then why aren’t we all using our ZunePhones to ZuneTime our friends, buy apps on the ZuneStore, and stream songs and podcasts via ZuneMusic? Glad you asked!

Zune was playing catch-up to the iPod from the start, so they really needed a slam-dunk go-to-market strategy. Instead, they stumbled, over and over again. 

Color

Right out of the gate, Microsoft made one of the dumbest decisions I’ve ever seen. They were going head-to-head with the bold iPod Nano, available in a rainbow of colors.

Microsoft needed a splashy, eye-catching device to set themselves apart. So they chose - in the words of more than one tech writer - “poop brown.” (Or, if we’re being generous, what Gizmodo called “swamp-water Jello.”) While Zune did later release other colors, including a particularly good-looking blue-black version, they had already fumbled the bag.

Size

Compared to today's smartphones, the Zune is a very typical size. But, in 2006 consumers and the tech world were obsessed with the “smaller is better” mentality. Each new device during this era was thinner and tinier than the last. Apple’s product lineup perfectly exemplified this trend with the iPod Nano (even the name implies small size) and the little lapel clip-on 2nd generation iPod Shuffle. Even in comparison to the classic iPod, the Zune was a little thicker, wider, and taller. Slash Gear described it as “big and bulky” and consumers seemed to agree. 

Timing

This one probably really stung for Microsoft. They spent years developing the Zune, months planning the launch, and less than 48 hours before their announcements, Apple launched the Enhanced 5th generation iPod. The new iPod had marginal improvements in UX and battery life, but largely the announcement served to distract consumers from the Zune launch. (The conspiracy theorist in me believes that Apple shipped this mediocre upgrade solely to outshine the Zune. If you have insider info, my DMs are open.)

Software

In a disastrous software glitch dubbed “Z2K”, all original Zunes froze on New Year’s Eve 2008 due to an error that made them unable to manage leap years. When Zune fans reached out for a fix, Microsoft’s response was to wait until a few days into January, drain the Zune’s battery, then restart the device. (Remember that 100-hour battery life I mentioned earlier? If your Zune was fully charged on New Year’s Eve, you would have to wait over 4 days to use your device again.) 

Naming

You may be thinking “Zune’s not such a bad name for a mid-2000s piece of music tech. What’s the issue?” My issue, dear reader, is not with the brand name itself. As mentioned in the earlier laundry list of features, the mp3 player had functionality that allowed users to share music directly among themselves, and Zune gave that functionality a special name.

Beaming? No. Sharing? Nope. Zune Zap?? I fucking wish.

They called the peer-to-peer sharing “squirting” - big yikes. A number of my coworkers subscribe to this newsletter so I won’t go into too much detail on my thoughts here. I’ll just leave you with this quote:

It’s definitely something!

@nathanokoopa

Hearing Bill Gates say “skw3rt” is a core memory now. #microsoftzune #zune #tech #retrotech #icyf #icydk #iykyk

All of these factors plus Microsoft’s reluctance to go all-in on marketing made consumers slow to adopt the Zune, while Apple continued to eat up market share. The Zune sold a respectable 2 million devices in its first two years. Unfortunately, Apple was selling over 3.5 million iPods per month during that same time period. Microsoft held on for a few more years before shuttering the Zune division in 2012. 

While the Zune didn’t have the staying power they hoped, the product team at Microsoft can take comfort in the fact that there is still a small but dedicated fan base for the nearly twenty-year-old device. The second-hand market for Zunes is strong, and you can find them listed for nearly their original price on sites like Etsy and Ebay. Some people find them in thrift stores and flip them for profit. There’s even an entire subreddit dedicated to Zune enthusiasts, including one man who has several Zune-themed tattoos. Microsoft even recently had a Guardians Of The Galaxy-inspired contest to give away an 8GB model in green and over 30k people entered.

And, no matter how disappointing the lifespan of the Zune was, the product team can sleep easy at night knowing that at least they didn’t develop the Dell DJ.

Squirting Some Links To Your Zune

• The Decoder Ring podcast digs into flash tattoos. Come for the interview with the Zune tattoo guy, stay for the explanation of why every dude in the 90s had a Tasmanian Devil tattoo.

• Remember the insane world of early 2000s iPod accessories? Two words: iPod thong.

• A little artistic tribute to the brown Zune.

• Celebrate the Zune’s 17th birthday with these jams.

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